Degrees of Separation
by AGoldenCharm
Summary: She can plaster on a smile, she can fake happiness, but she's never been able to escape her emotions.


Tina wields her new popularity like a scepter. She walks- no, _struts_- down the hallways of McKinley like she owns it because her senior year is like one enormous avalanche and she's snowballed her way into it after three years of mistreatment. The linoleum tile pushes back against her combat boots and the stench of newly-disinfected floors and lockers fills her nostrils. Everything about this moment, this day, this _year _is what she's been dreaming of from the moment Rachel Berry had told her that senior year would be her time to shine. Tina feels like she's stepped onto the red carpet- on her way to Broadway, the Tony Awards, _New York_.

She sees Jacob Ben Israel out of the corner of her eye doing his annual gossip vlog and she panics. Stuffing her new (well, old and decrepit) textbooks into her locker and burying her head right alongside them, Tina inhales sharply.

She's ready to tell him just how ready she is to take on the New Directions as Rachel Berry's successor. She's ready to tell him how she's practiced all summer and beefed up her repertoire for all the solos and leads she's bound to receive now. She's ready to tell him that she's Broadway-bound.

She's not, however, prepared to explain Mike.

_And I can't stop thinkin' about_  
_About the way things used to be_

Her summer was a blotchy mess of long, painful talks in her backyard, mosquito bites, sticky grape popsicles from Mike's freezer, and tears. Lots and lots of tears. She promised him she wouldn't cry because he made her but she broke that promise no more than ten minutes after she swore and he collected her in his arms and folded their limbs together as she sobbed into his chest. She remembers each conversation to the letter and replays them in the back of her mind sometimes when she's ignoring her teachers and their long spiels about syllabuses and grading schemes.

Every time she walks down the hallway between classes, she can feel her fingers clench into a fist, closing on nothing but air. Sometimes she walks with Blaine and Artie and Brittany and Sugar but she doesn't hold any of their hands. Except for when Brittany insists on clasping hands and skipping to class. Which she actively avoids to preserve her teetering popularity.

She drives to school by herself now. Carpooling was much more efficient. And she finds herself missing Mike's beat-up Toyota Camry, out of all things. She misses the ratty leather seats and the useless car air freshener that hangs from his rearview mirror. She misses the weird revving sound it makes whenever he turns left. She misses how their hands used to meet on top of the gear shift and he'd glance at her as he drove, and they'd sink into the comfortable silence together.

_And I can't stop thinkin' about_  
_About the love that you make to me_

"It's gonna be hard," he had said softly to her two weeks before he was supposed to leave for Chicago. Their fingers were threaded together atop of the moist grass and she had wondered to herself whether they were even allowed in the Lima City Park at two in the morning.

"You're telling me," she had croaked back, staring up at the inky black sky and trying not to let her tear ducts win again.

"You're going to be in New York this time next year, you know that right?"

She remembered laughing hollowly, "That's not really what's on my mind lately."

"It's what's on mine."

"Why?" Tina had turned to him, resting on one elbow as she drank in his achingly familiar features shrouded by the night, "You should be thinking about Joffrey. About all the great teachers you'll have and all the great people you'll meet."

"Your future is just as important to me," he hadn't turned to look at her but she knew he knew exactly what was painted across her face.

"It won't be anymore."

"Of course it will."

This time, he rotated his head to face her, his Adam's apple bobbing the way it always did when he seized up with emotions.

"I don't know if I can do this," her voice had cracked dangerously and his eyes had softened almost instantaneously. He could react to everything she said and did within a matter of _milliseconds_ and she didn't know how to wrap her brain around the fact that she would never have that anymore.

"I _know_ I can't do this," he had said quietly, sitting up slowly and resting back onto the palms of his hands, "But that doesn't mean we won't."

"Why did we have to agree on this?" Tina had asked desperately, sitting up as well and leaning toward him. The familiar scent of his laundry detergent and his mom's home-cooked food made her want to break into a fit of tears.

He looked at her sadly, his eyes wide and filled with pain.

"Because," he said gently, touching his forehead to hers, "We both know it's for the best."

Their lips had met in a frenzy. He tasted like fire.

_And I can't get you outta my head_  
_How in the world will I begin_  
_To let you walk right out my life_  
_And blow my heart away_

Jacob Ben Israel finishes interviewing Sam and Tina can feel her heart pounding mercilessly between her ears. She takes a deep breath and rolls back her shoulders, unable to shake away the nervous jittery feeling coursing through her body but promising herself to give the strongest, most resolute answer she can muster.

Mike's face flashes momentarily in her mind as Jacob shoves the microphone into her face and she can feel her knees buckling.

_Please understand if love ends_  
_Then I promise you, I promise you_  
_That, that I shall never breathe again_  
_Breathe again_  
_Breathe again_  
_That I shall never breathe again_  
_Breathe again_

She dreams about him every once in a while. Usually, it's a gut-wrenching version of their breakup, but sometimes it involves him coming home to Lima. They embrace and he beams at her and she dissolves in his arms and she wakes up in a cold sweat, her sheets soaked with tears and her hands trembling as she checks her phone. She feels like she's waiting. For what, exactly, she still has yet to figure out.

* * *

**A/N: Hi guys! I promise I'm not completely gone and I know what with me deleting my Tumblr and everything I've been a lot more MIA lately. I still plan on writing and I still love Tike with all my heart but I do need to focus on school more! :) That being said, feel free to email me if you ever want to chat or if you have any fic requests for me. Love you guys! Keep shipping Tike. We'll get through this ;)**


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